Food critic Jay Rayner (son of agony aunt Claire) has written a column in the monthly
Observer Food Magazine for the past fifteen years. This has now come to an end, but to sign off he has given us
a list of trenchant opinions about the food and restaurant industry, many of which will strike a chord with blog readers. Do read the whole thing – it isn’t paywalled – but here are some of the highlights:
- Individual foods are not pharmaceuticals; just eat a balanced diet. There is nothing you can eat or drink that will detoxify you; that’s what your liver and kidneys are for.
- People have morals but food doesn’t, so don’t describe dishes as “dirty”.
- Fat is where the flavour is and salt is the difference between eating in black and white and eating in Technicolor, even if your cardiologist would disagree.
- Brown foods and messy foods are the best foods, and picnics are a nightmare.
- Most dishes can be improved with the addition of bacon.
- All new restaurants should employ someone over 50 to check whether the print on the menu is big enough to be read, the lighting bright enough for it to be read by and the seats comfortable enough for a lengthy meal.
- If a waiter has to explain the “concept” behind a menu there is something wrong with the menu.
- The kind of wines that natural-wine fans adore smell of uncleaned pig’s bottom and are horrible.
- And food should always, always, be served on plates. Not on slates. Not on garden trowels. Not on planks. On plates.
It might be interesting if someone could come up with something similar about the world of beer and pubs…
I'll offer three pub ones for starters:
ReplyDelete- Always provide beermats. Nobody wants tables sopping with spilt beer.
- People do not queue to be served at the bar of a pub.
- Music should be played to suit the customers, not the bar staff.
Rinse the urinals with bleach at least twice a day, more often if the plumbing is from the 1800's.
ReplyDeleteRural pubs with septic tanks or biodisks can't use bleach as it destroys the bacteria in the tank
DeleteDidn't know that but I was mostly thinking about Victoria in Durham (excellent) vs. Crown Posada Newcastle (very poor). Victoria always very fresh, Posada always stinks of pish.
DeleteRayner also says ban tipping in restaurants and pay people decent wages. I agree with this. Has anyone been asked in a pub for a tip when paying by card? I know I have been. This needs to be stopped. Oh and I live in Yorkshire where folk are careful with money, so I am guessing its rampant in London pubs.
ReplyDeleteHow many businesses has 'Rayner' run?
DeleteThe minimum wage in France is considerably lower than the UK, so on this point he doesn't really know what he's talking about. And many hospitality businesses are already struggling to pay the current level.
DeleteBan tipping, increase prices by 20% and then you can pay the staff more.
DeleteRelying on tipping to make up staff wage is a ploy to make the headline prices lower.
https://forums.pubsgalore.co.uk/showthread.php?949-Pub-annoyances-834&p=69087&viewfull=1#post69087
ReplyDeleteBeer tastes better if you are seated while drinking it.
ReplyDeleteIf you must have seats at the bar, leave a dedicated space for people to be served. If I have difficulty reaching my beer between shoulders I might (accidentally, of course) spill some of it on the sitters.
Here's a few.
ReplyDeleteCustomers should always remember that the person behind the bar is in charge not them. If you want to be in charge while drinking piss off back home with a six-pack of lout.
Any pub that provides Hula Hoops - especially the really big ones - as a bar snack will invariably be good.
99% of UK-brewed lager is piss and Moretti is not a craft lager - it's fucking euro-piss for people too thick to make an informed choice.
Anyone charging full-price for a multi-pack buy of anything deserves a kick up the hole.
Always expect to be disappointed by cask beer especially at lunchtime unless it's cheap and even then give it a swerve. I've yet to taste a single one that's worth anywhere near £5+ a pint.
Any pub that can't be arsed to get in fresh limes for your G+T can't be arsed full stop.
Cats should not be allowed in pubs but dogs should because everyone loves dogs and only weirdos and spinsters love cats ( just for you old sport.)
Price is about status not quality.
ReplyDeleteIf you like cask beer, the cheaper pubs get the turnover and have a better pint. If you find a pub full of working class blokes drinking pints of bitter and not Carling it will be a great pint. A bunch of middle class people sniffing one of a choice of 15 weird over hopped ales is a mediocre pint at best.
Charging above the odds compared with other pubs in an area is often deliberately used as a form of social selection.
DeleteMy pal Dani in Sri Lanka runs his restaurant on the same principle.
DeleteHe has two menus.
One in English and one in Russian where prices are exactly double.
Why, I asked him.
Because they're pigs he replied.
I dread to think what they do to their food although having seen the Ivans in action over there and across Europe it's understandable.
* Cheese & Onion cobs on the bar.
ReplyDelete* At least two dark beers available.
* Bar staff who say hello.
* Er, that’s it.