Thursday 11 May 2017

Tablets of stone

It’s not very often that I come across an article in the media that has me nodding vigorously in agreement throughout, but this one in Spectator Life certainly qualifies: Ten commandments for the public house. Do read the whole thing, but the ten points very much come across as a Mudgie manifesto. He’s even got posing tables in there as #6!
  1. Don’t be pretentious
  2. Don’t serve food that takes more than six words to describe
  3. Don’t change your name
  4. Don’t pipe music
  5. Don’t offer tasters of beer
  6. Don’t fill the room with those bizarre high chairs
  7. Don’t fetishise the handled glass and its quaint dimples
  8. Don’t allow tables to be reserved
  9. Don’t upgrade your toilets
  10. Don’t plaster the walls with TVs
Incidentally, for the benefit of mobile readers, I’ve recently added a General Election poll to the sidebar of the desktop version. I’ll publish the final figures on June 8th, but please don’t share it around social media as it may distort the results.


  1. I'd agree with the majority of those, but what's the problem with offering tasters of beer? Seems a pretty inoffensive way of encouraging people to consider a beer that's outside their "normal" without the risk of buying a pint.

    As for dimpled glasses; I love them for the right beer, and any pub that asks me which glass I'd like is fine in my book.

    Point 10, though, is bang on. TVs in pubs should be illegal.

    1. It's somewhat required if taking the cask gamble. There is that much undrinkable muck out there.

      Double so if the gaff has won a CAMRA award. Those things are notorious signals of vinegary beer on pubs with lots of handpumps and a gaffer some beardie people think is trying hard and deserves encouragement.

  2. I'd agree with those, though I can't get worked up about music, as long as it's obscure or ironic so I can mention it in blogs.

    Tasters (and those jam jars/sample pots) are the biggest evil in society, let alone in pubs. A pint is a sample.


  3. A quick google informs me there are 52,750 pubs int he UK

    How many do we reckon there would be if Mudgie Pub Rules were the Law?

    1. One. Run by 'mudge and with very strict entry requirements

  4. Impossible to answer, 'Cookie', but we do know that 17,000 have closed since they stopped following 'Mudgie Rules' and banned smoking everywhere.

    Furthermore, many pubs which try to 'adapt' and become anything other than a real pub, end up chasing their own tails until they disappear up their own arses. I must say though, I quite like being able to sample a beer before committing to a pint of it. Wine drinkers are invited to do this all the time, why not beer drinkers?

  5. I agree with Anonymous: "we do know that 17,000 have closed since they stopped following 'Mudgie Rules' and banned smoking everywhere."

    I disagree with point 9 about toilets.

    The rest is fine, especially beer samples, food and piped music.


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