Curmudgeon distilled

Some years ago I came up with a list of bullet points that could be said to sum up the key themes of my Opening Times column.

1. Who let those bloody kids in here?
2. Never mind the quality, look at the number of handpumps
3. Electric meters deliver full measures and a consistent pint
4. This expanse of carpet used to be a wonderful little snug
5. Two pints bad, ten pints good
6. Chips with everything
7. The family have been brewing good beer on this site since 1842
8. I may dislike what you do, but I will defend your right to do it
9. Why are there no sodding beermats?
10. Haven’t you got anything better to do, officer?

All should be pretty self-explanatory.

This dates back to around 2000, before the blanket smoking ban was even a cloud on the horizon – remember that it was not a Labour manifesto commitment even in the 2005 General Election campaign.

Nowadays, apart from that, I don’t think it’s very different, although either #8 needs to be replaced with a more specific “First they came for the smokers...” or that added as a separate point.